June & July 2013

In June we...

 

Had our first dance recital

 Crafted

Completed our first swim lessons

 

In July we...

Worked on our coloring skills

Put on a show

Danced ballet

Tormented the cat

Went to the county fair

Small Acts of Kindness for Leo

I haven't posted in a long time, I know.  I have a lot to catch up on.  I wanted to start with where I'm at in the healing process.  I'm at a point where there are more good days than bad.  I still have hard days, I still miss Leo immensely (maybe even more each day) and think of him constantly.  I still am not ok with what happened.  That said, I think I've reached a place of acceptance that he's not coming back no matter how hard I wish we could and there is nothing I can do to change what happened.  This has been a long hard rode hard and I know it's not over.  There will be bumps in the road, there will be moments where I'm angry at the world or sobbing uncontrollably, there will be days when it's hard to get out of bed.  And you know what? That's ok.  Grief ebs and flows and it is something I have come to accept as part of my life.  I know that makes many uncomfortable and many want the grieving to end and everything to go back to normal, but that normal is gone.  This is the new normal.

Leo's birthday is coming up next month.  It's going to be hard. It's going to be intense.  It's going to hurt.  What I'm striving to do is recognize the pain, but focus on the joy he brought to our lives. We were so happy to be expecting our second child, Isabella was excited to become a big sister, I was thrilled to be pregnant again, and we were so looking forward to meeting the little guy.  Things didn't work out like we had planned, but were are still extremely grateful to have him as part of our family.

I would like to honor Leo as his birthday approaches, and I'm hoping you all will hope.  Now through September 10, 2013 we hope that you will participate in Small Acts of Kindness for Leo.  These small acts of kindness can be anything really, volunteer with the organization of your choice, help an elderly neighbor with household chores, or donate to charity in Leo's honor.  Anything really.  Then, let us know what you've done to honor Leo in whatever means you feel comfortable- comments, email, text, etc.  You can remain anonymous if you like.  Sometimes it just really helps to know that others remember Leo along with us.

Catch-up: April and May

APRIL

 Worked on the exterior of the house

 

Watched our Magnolia tree grow

 

Worked inside the house

 

 

Raced some ponies

 

 

Rode a bike

Played with the pup

 

 Made new friends at the mall

 

And the Purdue Vet School

 

 Hammed it up in a box boat

Said hello to an old friend at Columbian Park Zoo

Marched for Babies

MAY

Rode in a ridiculous shopping cart

Fed a giraffe

Celebrated Mother's Day

 

Made progress on the kitchen

 

Matched Daddy

 

Played in a pool

 

Built a fort

 

Ran in a sprinkler

 

 

Bereaved Mother's Day

Today, one week before Mother's Day, is International Bereaved Mother's Day.  This day's purpose is to acknowledge all the forgotten mothers; those of us who hold our children in our heart instead of our arms, and those yearn to have a child, but for reasons beyond their control have not yet experienced that joy.

Don't forget these mothers next week.  Mother's Day is a difficult day for many women; let them know they matter. If you know a woman who has lost a child as any age, or one who struggles with infertility reach out to her.  It can be as simple as a text, and email, or a phone call.  If their child had a name, use it.  Don't be afraid to talk about a lost child because it is often just what the mother needs.  I can't speak for everyone, but even though I miss Leo terribly, I find great joy in his memory and I am truly touched when someone acknowledges him in some way.  Many of us fear that our children will be forgotten.

I don't ask for myself.  Because of our beautiful little Isabella I know that I will always be recognized on Mother's Day, and I have some special people in my life who will always remember that I'm still Leo's mom too.  My heart goes out to all the women who struggle on Mother's Day.  Please remember that they are mothers too.

"Joy and life abound for millions of Mothers on Mother’s Day. It’s also a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no Mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back."
-Erma Bobeck  

 If you'd like to learn more about International Bereaved Mother's Day, parental bereavement, or are a bereaved parent yourself looking for support, consider visiting the links below.

Carly Marie Project Heal


STILL Project

Still Standing Magazine

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

March in Review

A little late, but better late than never right? Here is what we were up to in the month of March:

Made new friends at the library

 

Played in the snow

 

Danced

Daddy built a barn

 

Celebrated Audrey's sixth birthday

 More snow came

  

We crafted

 

Channeled Eloise

 Visited Leo

Spring showed up

 

 

The bunny came!

 

 

 And hid some eggs

 

Resulting in one unbelievably balanced egg hunt. 19 eggs each!

We have a lot to look forward to in April.  Spring is finally here, we have a lot of house projects to work on, and we will be honoring Leo's memory at the March for Babies.  There's still time to get involved if you are interested.  Use the link at the right to visit our team pages!

 

Another milestone

Leo's due date has come and passed.  Thank you to those of you who reached out to me that day.  I'll admit that I teared up with ever text, email, card, etc.  I think it would have been much worse if no one had acknowledged it.  We had a rather low-key day.  Clint and Isabella gave me a Willow Tree figurine and we took Leo some fresh flowers.  We came home and ate pizza because our darling daughter woke up crying about pizza that morning, "I want my pizza!"  Apparently, she had a dream that Daddy ate all her pizza. Silly girl. 

It makes me sad to think that I would likely be holding my brand new baby boy right now if everything had worked out, but I'm trying to focus on other things.  We've started house hunting again.  I don't know if we'll be moving anytime soon, but we thought it would be helpful to get a better idea of what we're looking for and how much we'll need to spend to get it.  I think we're going to contact a realtor for advice on preparing our house to sell, although we already have a few more projects in mind.  I think we're going to go ahead and paint the room that would have been Leo's a more neutral color.  Maybe it will be cathartic or something, and some work needs to be done in there anyway.  We'll have many more projects to keep us busy if it ever warms up. 

Of course, we also have the March for Babies to look forward too and we are off to a great start for that!

February

Leo's due date is one month from today.  Several months ago I was really looking forward to the month of February, and now I'm absolutely dreading it.  I kind of wish I could crawl into bed and sleep until March 1.  Of course, these "milestones" will never end.  After this one passes we'll have the anniversary of when we found out I was pregnant, the first time we saw him on ultrasound, and of course his birthdate.  This one seems to cut particularly deep though, knowing that I should have a new baby within the month, but I won't. 

I will probably be a bit under the radar for the month of February.  I might still post here, but I'm going to avoid Facebook and the like for my own benefit.  If you need to reach me you can call, text, or email.  I know I'll be ok, but it will already be hard so I want to avoid anything that might add to that.