June & July 2013

In June we...

 

Had our first dance recital

 Crafted

Completed our first swim lessons

 

In July we...

Worked on our coloring skills

Put on a show

Danced ballet

Tormented the cat

Went to the county fair

Small Acts of Kindness for Leo

I haven't posted in a long time, I know.  I have a lot to catch up on.  I wanted to start with where I'm at in the healing process.  I'm at a point where there are more good days than bad.  I still have hard days, I still miss Leo immensely (maybe even more each day) and think of him constantly.  I still am not ok with what happened.  That said, I think I've reached a place of acceptance that he's not coming back no matter how hard I wish we could and there is nothing I can do to change what happened.  This has been a long hard rode hard and I know it's not over.  There will be bumps in the road, there will be moments where I'm angry at the world or sobbing uncontrollably, there will be days when it's hard to get out of bed.  And you know what? That's ok.  Grief ebs and flows and it is something I have come to accept as part of my life.  I know that makes many uncomfortable and many want the grieving to end and everything to go back to normal, but that normal is gone.  This is the new normal.

Leo's birthday is coming up next month.  It's going to be hard. It's going to be intense.  It's going to hurt.  What I'm striving to do is recognize the pain, but focus on the joy he brought to our lives. We were so happy to be expecting our second child, Isabella was excited to become a big sister, I was thrilled to be pregnant again, and we were so looking forward to meeting the little guy.  Things didn't work out like we had planned, but were are still extremely grateful to have him as part of our family.

I would like to honor Leo as his birthday approaches, and I'm hoping you all will hope.  Now through September 10, 2013 we hope that you will participate in Small Acts of Kindness for Leo.  These small acts of kindness can be anything really, volunteer with the organization of your choice, help an elderly neighbor with household chores, or donate to charity in Leo's honor.  Anything really.  Then, let us know what you've done to honor Leo in whatever means you feel comfortable- comments, email, text, etc.  You can remain anonymous if you like.  Sometimes it just really helps to know that others remember Leo along with us.

Catch-up: April and May

APRIL

 Worked on the exterior of the house

 

Watched our Magnolia tree grow

 

Worked inside the house

 

 

Raced some ponies

 

 

Rode a bike

Played with the pup

 

 Made new friends at the mall

 

And the Purdue Vet School

 

 Hammed it up in a box boat

Said hello to an old friend at Columbian Park Zoo

Marched for Babies

MAY

Rode in a ridiculous shopping cart

Fed a giraffe

Celebrated Mother's Day

 

Made progress on the kitchen

 

Matched Daddy

 

Played in a pool

 

Built a fort

 

Ran in a sprinkler

 

 

Bereaved Mother's Day

Today, one week before Mother's Day, is International Bereaved Mother's Day.  This day's purpose is to acknowledge all the forgotten mothers; those of us who hold our children in our heart instead of our arms, and those yearn to have a child, but for reasons beyond their control have not yet experienced that joy.

Don't forget these mothers next week.  Mother's Day is a difficult day for many women; let them know they matter. If you know a woman who has lost a child as any age, or one who struggles with infertility reach out to her.  It can be as simple as a text, and email, or a phone call.  If their child had a name, use it.  Don't be afraid to talk about a lost child because it is often just what the mother needs.  I can't speak for everyone, but even though I miss Leo terribly, I find great joy in his memory and I am truly touched when someone acknowledges him in some way.  Many of us fear that our children will be forgotten.

I don't ask for myself.  Because of our beautiful little Isabella I know that I will always be recognized on Mother's Day, and I have some special people in my life who will always remember that I'm still Leo's mom too.  My heart goes out to all the women who struggle on Mother's Day.  Please remember that they are mothers too.

"Joy and life abound for millions of Mothers on Mother’s Day. It’s also a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no Mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back."
-Erma Bobeck  

 If you'd like to learn more about International Bereaved Mother's Day, parental bereavement, or are a bereaved parent yourself looking for support, consider visiting the links below.

Carly Marie Project Heal


STILL Project

Still Standing Magazine

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

March in Review

A little late, but better late than never right? Here is what we were up to in the month of March:

Made new friends at the library

 

Played in the snow

 

Danced

Daddy built a barn

 

Celebrated Audrey's sixth birthday

 More snow came

  

We crafted

 

Channeled Eloise

 Visited Leo

Spring showed up

 

 

The bunny came!

 

 

 And hid some eggs

 

Resulting in one unbelievably balanced egg hunt. 19 eggs each!

We have a lot to look forward to in April.  Spring is finally here, we have a lot of house projects to work on, and we will be honoring Leo's memory at the March for Babies.  There's still time to get involved if you are interested.  Use the link at the right to visit our team pages!

 

Another milestone

Leo's due date has come and passed.  Thank you to those of you who reached out to me that day.  I'll admit that I teared up with ever text, email, card, etc.  I think it would have been much worse if no one had acknowledged it.  We had a rather low-key day.  Clint and Isabella gave me a Willow Tree figurine and we took Leo some fresh flowers.  We came home and ate pizza because our darling daughter woke up crying about pizza that morning, "I want my pizza!"  Apparently, she had a dream that Daddy ate all her pizza. Silly girl. 

It makes me sad to think that I would likely be holding my brand new baby boy right now if everything had worked out, but I'm trying to focus on other things.  We've started house hunting again.  I don't know if we'll be moving anytime soon, but we thought it would be helpful to get a better idea of what we're looking for and how much we'll need to spend to get it.  I think we're going to contact a realtor for advice on preparing our house to sell, although we already have a few more projects in mind.  I think we're going to go ahead and paint the room that would have been Leo's a more neutral color.  Maybe it will be cathartic or something, and some work needs to be done in there anyway.  We'll have many more projects to keep us busy if it ever warms up. 

Of course, we also have the March for Babies to look forward too and we are off to a great start for that!

February

Leo's due date is one month from today.  Several months ago I was really looking forward to the month of February, and now I'm absolutely dreading it.  I kind of wish I could crawl into bed and sleep until March 1.  Of course, these "milestones" will never end.  After this one passes we'll have the anniversary of when we found out I was pregnant, the first time we saw him on ultrasound, and of course his birthdate.  This one seems to cut particularly deep though, knowing that I should have a new baby within the month, but I won't. 

I will probably be a bit under the radar for the month of February.  I might still post here, but I'm going to avoid Facebook and the like for my own benefit.  If you need to reach me you can call, text, or email.  I know I'll be ok, but it will already be hard so I want to avoid anything that might add to that.

100 Days

100 days from now we will honor our baby boy's memory by participating in the annual March for Babies on April 27, 2013.  The money raised through this event will help fund research that could prevent other families from experiencing such a tremendous loss.  Please consider supporting the March of Dimes either by joining Team Leo David and walking with us, donating to our team's efforts, or through your own efforts.

You can find out more by visiting our team page below, or clicking the banner at the right.  We truly appreciate your time and support.

Team Leo David

Have a little girl?

Check out the Isabella series by Jennifer Fosberry.

Isabella received the first book, My Name is Not Isabella: Just How Big Can a Little Girl Dream?, as a gift from my aunt and we both loved it.  In the story the little girl imagines she is several prominent women in history such as Sally Ride, Marie Curie, and Rosa Parks.  No pink, frilly princesses to be seen.  

The second book, Isabella: Girl on the Go, came out last year was less impressive for me, but Isabella still requests it often. I'm sure the fact that her name is in the title doesn't hurt.  This one has the main character imagining herself going to famous landmarks like the Statue of Liberty, Big Ben, and Chichen Itza. This story also features the father, whereas the first one featured the mother.

The third book, Isabella: Star of the Story, comes out in April land I've already pre-ordered it on Amazon. This one features Isabella imagining herself as characters from classic children's literature.  I am seriously excited about this one!

I would really recommend checking these books out if you're sick of princesses and would like to read a book that is about more than marrying a handsome prince.  Each of the books also has a reference guide in the back explaining each person or place portrayed in the book.  This section is particularly helpful when he tells you he's never heard of Chichen Itza.

And no, I didn't receive anything for recommending the books.  I just happen to love them and thought you might too.

March for Babies 2013

As some of you know, I have participated in the local March of Dimes chapter's March for Babies in the past. This year Clint and I decided to organize a team for Leo. If you are interested in donating or joining our team feel free to contact me or visit the link below for more information.

Team Leo David

The walk is still a few months away (April 27, 2013), but I am already so excited to do this for our baby boy.

Christmas 2012

This was the first year Isabella really understood holiday traditions.  She was so excited for Christmas morning that she asked to go to bed at 5pm Christmas Eve! We kept her up a little longer and she stayed in bed until 7am.  I was almost positive she'd come running in to wake us up around 4am.  She also shouted out, "I hear jingles! I hear Santa!" before bed. 

Every Christmas Eve we each open a new ornament and new pajamas to wear to bed that night.  I try to choose something for Isabella that commemorates an event or showcases and interest of hers from that year.  If the ornament doesn't already have the year on it somewhere then I write it on the bottom or the back so we can keep track.  My plan is to give her all of these ornaments when she is grown so that she will already have a collection for her own tree. I will buy an ornament for Leo each year as well.  I try not to by too many ornaments that don't have some sort of sentimental meaning, instead I fill in the gaps with more plain bulbs.  Isabella already likes asking me about each ornament, where they're from and what they mean. 

 Isabella's 2012 ornament to commemorate her first theater movie

Leo's ornament

Daddy's ornament.

 Mama's ornament

 Leaving cookies for Santa

Showing off her new pajamas by the tree

Santa came!

 Opening a gift from her great aunt Kris

Presents from Grandpa Harvey

Isabella was very pleased with her gifts.  She loves her LeapPad2, new bike, and princess castle.  She wore her new Cinderella dress all day.  Daddy had a blast playing with his RC helicopter.  Mama is seriously geeked about her new bedding. Nothing says old lady like asking for new bedding for Christmas! Of course, new bedding means we're finally going to be decorating the master bedroom and that is long overdue.  Clint has some new projects coming up, if only I could get him to finish the ones on his current list.